Myself Yourself Book 1 : Past hurts, Hopeful future
by AngeDREAMS
Summary: It focus on Sana's past and shows the journey of him searching for his old self in Sakuranomori, 5 years later
1. Chapter 1

BOOK 1 (Myself;Yourself)

CHAPTER 1

With tears brimming in my eyes,I entered into the bullet train,leaving Sakuranomori thinking about the times I had with the gang.

"will Nanaka forget about me?"

"The sakura band that I give her, will she misplace it?will she be angry because I said that I only gave her 'cos I don't want it?"

"what if she goes out with other boys.."

So what?! I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER OR ANYTHING! ARGHHH! WHAT AM I THINKING OF?! I gave my self a knock on my head and I look outside the window.

"SANA! WE WILL BE FRIENDS TOGETHER! I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU! WE WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK!"

I open the window and I saw Shuu.

"SHUUU…shuu…." I tried to shout back,but my voice died away in the wind.

Tears fall uncontrollably from my eyes,even though I am a man, a man should not cry! Soon,Shuu is gone from my sight and I held out the frog bait that I got from Shuu from my pocket and I clenched on it tightly.

"When will I be able to go to the secret cave again? will Shuu betray the secret of the cave when I am not around?"

A mitten dropped out from my back and i hurriedly catch it.I wore it and i feel so warm throughout my body and my heart, even though the mitten is not in pair but only one."Shuri really took a lot of time and effort to do it ,huh."

I take a deep breath to smell the delicious cake I had earlier on from my breath .

"When will I be able to taste the cake made by Aoi-chan again?" Will I even see them again? more and more tears began to drop on my lap.

"what if they forget me..or even I forget them?

"What if they changed during the course of time and no longer be the ones I knew?"

"What if..what if…"

Thoughts that are filled with uncertainty filled my head and before knew it, I slept in the train with a tear-stained face


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

I woke up in a strange room is surprisingly bright and cheery, in contrary to what I am feeling.I dreamily woke up and fell from my bed."ouch!" what a bad way to start a day, I thought. After tidying up my bed,I slowly staggered down the unknown living room greeted is no more that weird cuckoo clock anymore,nor the pink dining table. The blue tiled floor is no where to be seen and that when I realized I am no longer in Sakuranomori but instead in Tokyo.

I lazily look up at the clock "OH NO, I AM LATE FOR SCHOOL!" I shouted. I rushed into the bedroom get a set of my uniform and rushed into the bathroom.I skipped breakfast and went out of the house.

I was lost. "f I remembered correctly, I am heading towards Ikina elementary." I calmed myself down and start to ask around.

"Excuse me madam, may I know how to.."

"I don't know"

"HUH,ouh..o..okay."

"Hello sir may I…"

"I AM BUSY, BOY!"

"WHAT THE..OUH..ouh..okay"

"What is this!" I thought to here is so cold and self-centred.I wish I am now in the warm and loving Sakuranomori. Even though we are not a family, but the people living there are definitely more kind!" I muttered to myself. I suddenly remembered that I can actually ask mom..or dad. I picked up my handphone and start dialing mom's number.

"The number you just called is not available,please try again later." I sighed and called is busy too.

Suddenly,my phone was swept off from my hand and I saw boys wearing the Ikina elementary uniform holding it, with a grin.

"HAHA! LOOK AT THE FREAK OVER THERE! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING,HUH? THIS KIND OF SHITTY UNFORM,WHAT SCHOOL,no…WHAT SHITYY GARBAGE YOU CAME FROM?!AND THIS PHONE..FORGET ABOUT IT!" he threw my phone on the floor.

I went to catch my phone from dropping.

"I..I…this..thiS THIS IS NOT A SHITTY UNIFORM, IT IS THE UNIFORM OF SAKURANOMORI ELEMENTARY!" I shouted, trying my best to control my ! WAIT, I AM WEARNG…I WORE THE WRONG UNIFORM! I ran away from them with a blushing face..I am so going to be late on the first day of school!


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I somehow managed to reach school,thanks to the signboard hung around the street.I never expect this school to be so branded that the whole school gate is crowded by many banners that proclaimed their numerous victories in competitions. I stood outside the school gate, looking at the magnificent building and the gold and red school icon."I am looking forward to my time in this school!" I smiled, for the first time since few weeks ago.

Suddenly I realized that I have forgotten about nanaka and the rest. I blushed and frantically apologized to them in my heart, "how dare I forget! How dare I!" I had brought along the fishing bait shuu gave me,treating it as my lucky charm.I walked into the school premises with it, hoping things will go well.

The next moment, my whole body splattered with spaghetti and tomato sauce dripping down my face.I turn my head violently to have a look at the culprit and I am shocked to see it is the same short and fat boy from the morning.

"yo! nice to meet you,LOSER"

"YOU,WHAT! WHAT DID I DID TO OFFEND YOU!"

I screamed.

"ouh~~ screaming like a girl, aren't you?"

That boy said sarcastically and the whole gang of boys erupted into laughter.

"give him a welcome bash! a bash! a welcome bash!" The crowd that was forming around us was cheering heartily for the boys.

I bit my lips tightly and I got into a stance,ready to defend myself.

"Look at that PATHETIC sweetie, he seems to be ready for this isn't he?LET'S RUN WILD!"

After that boy gave his command, the other boys ran like a pack of wolves, hungry for my blood.

I stand no chance against them,ending up like a pathetic little doll being beat up by them without having a chance to hit back.

"LOUSY SAKURAMONORI ELEMENTARY! PATHETIC STUDENTS THEY HAD BROUGHT UP! YOU AND YOUR LOUSY FRIENDS THERE!"

In the end, the bell for lesson rang and so the boys left of the spectators even asked about me and as if a good drama had just ended, they also went off, laughing.

IS THIS EVEN A PLACE FOR HUMANS TO STAY IN?! I screamed in my there even anyone listening to me here? NO! NO ONE! If only I am in Sakuranomori, I will definitely win them, with the help of the gang! It is not fair that they have 5 people and I only have me! I stood up and began to cry, feeling that SO pathetic and SO ashamed of they were right about me being pathetic,NO, THEY WERE RIGHT! I can't even defend! I can only cry. I can't even protect my own town's name MYSELF, I NEED PEOPLE'S HELP! I am so pathetic, so lousy so miserable, so womanish, SO UNLIKE A MAN THAT SHOULD BE STRONG AND PROTECT!


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

I limped to my new class,hoping that no one will recognized me as "the boy who was bashed pathetically" I opened the class door with trembling hands and walk into the class as normally as possible.

"SANA-SAN! YOU ARE LATE! AND LOOK AT THAT UNIFORM OF YOUR, ARE YOU TRYING TO INSULT OUR SCHOOL PRIDE?!" I was greeted with a fierce growl.

"sorry..I didn't do it on.." "DON'T THINK YOU ARE NEW MEANS THAT YOU WLL BE FORGIVEN! GET OUT OF THE CLASS NOW!" I saw the coldness in the evil glare the teacher gave me.I retreated,leaving the class with tail between my legs.

I clutched on the the fishing bait is so unfair…SO UNFAIR! and for the whole time while I was outside, I played the song Nanaka had composed again and again in my head suddenly, I feel peace in my heart as I still have people that cares about me and I will stay strong for them.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

"I am back home!"

No one replied. It was obvious that no one will reply, since dad and mom worked like crazy from day to night.I limped into the bathroom and took a bath."OUCH,OH NO!" The soap touches my injury and it hurts a lot. After bathing, I went into mom's wardrobe and took out her make-up set.I didn't want them to made a big scene or worry about me, plus it wasn't really a great deal, I mean I could still bear with it. I took my stained uniform and washed it, before anyone start asking about it, as I said I am not going to let mom and dad know about this.I went down to the kitchen and happily checked out what is for today's lunch.I was starving- I skipped breakfast today. could it be a sushi bento? or a…SASHIMI BENTO? I smiled and look forward to the highly anticipated lunch

I threw the lunch onto the floor.

Tomato sauce and spaghetti splattered across the kitchen floor.I breathed in rapidly,slumping myself down onto the kitchen fall uncontrollably down my cheeks , my heart kept screaming for nanaka, shuu, shuri and aoi. I ran up into my bedroom , slam and locked the door behind me. Cuddling into my bed, refusing to get up from the bed.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"HIDAKA! COME DOWN TO THE KITCHEN AT ONCE!"

I woke up lazily,looking at the digital clock beside is already one a.m. I went down the stairs and into the kitchen,seeing mom's red face.

"EXPLAIN THIS,HIDAKA! I THOUGHT YOU LOVE SPAGHETTI A LOT? AND EVEN NOT, YOU SHOULD NOT THROW YOUR FOOD-"

"I AM SORRY! IT MY FAULT, ALL MY FAULT! I WILL CLEAN UP!"

"WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE IS THIS! I WILL DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS,AFTER YOU CLEANED UP, GO AND CARRY A PAIL AND WATER AND STAND OUTSIDE OF THIS HOUSE!"

In anger, I hurriedly clean up and storm out of the house with a pail of water.

This is my second time being punished in a day huh…

No one asked about me, whether have I ate my lunch or even dinner or did not even suspect anything. Even though I tried my best to hide it from mom and dad, but I still hoped that they will at least asked about it and show that they care….

"Hidaka, why are you here?"

"DAD?! I thought you are not coming home today."

"while..I have to come back once in a while, shouldn't I? now why are you here?"

"I was throwing food on the floor."

"haish…you definitely deserved to be punished ,but now..it is already so late and you still have school inside."

"but mom-"

"I will explain to her, come on, you don't have to be so serious."

"ouh-ouhkay"

I entered into the house and saw a piping hot pizza on the , I realized I had not eaten anything for the day.

"So..you skipped breakfast,threw you lunch and missed your dinner?" mom asked.

"I..I was almost late for school so I skipped break-"

"enough talking, hurry up and finish your meal."

Everyone gathered at the table and finish their meal with some small conversations.

"how's work, darling?"

"quite demanding"

"ouh..is that so?I recently got a new project to work busy."

"hmm."

(silence)

"Dad,Mom, Today school is awf-"

"you should go to bed now,look, it's going to be 2 am soon,you have school tomorrow."

"yes,mom"

"we can talk tomorrow anyway, so go and sleep"

"really,dad? OUH, GREAT!"

I elatedly run up to the bedroom,"I GET TO TALK TO MOM AND DAD TOMORROW!

I GET TO TALK TO MOM AND DAD TOMORROW!"


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

In the end, I had dinner alone the next the next next the day after the next next day.I waited for weeks,months, holding on to the promise dad made, that I will get to talk soon. I stayed up till 2am, waiting for dad and mom. Finally one day, I began feel uneasy and so I called up dad.

"Dad.."

"SHUT UP! I AM CURRENTLY BURNING THE MID-NIGHT OIL FOR WORK! DON'T DISTURB ME!"

"BUT YOU PROMISED THAT WE COULD TALK-"

"SINCE WHEN?"

"A FEW MONTHS AGO, THAT LAST DINNER WE ATE TOGETHER,THAT NIGHT YOU SAID-"

"OUH SHUT UP, SO WHAT IF I SAID THAT..YOU BELIEVED ME? I HAVE ALREADY FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT LONG LONG AGO!"

"I-I.."

(Call ended)

I could not even complete my was always like this when I was with mom and at least, when I was with nanaka they all, I get to speak, I get to be the leader and not being lead by people by my now, I even lose this chance to speak.

I am like a living doll,no one cares about me.

I have eyes,but they only sees the darkness.

I have ears, but they only hear awful words.

I have mouth,but cannot speak.

The only thing that proves that I am living, is only my nostrils as they are still breathing.

But I don't feel alive could I feel, with everyday,people bullying me in school? Everyday I will have to serve them, be their faithful little dog.I HAVE TO help them do their home work, received beatings from them when they feel like it.

I couldn't take it anymore,HOW ALIVE IS THIS?

TODAY! THE LITTLE FROG BAIT..THEY SPOILED IT..THEY CRUSHED IT ,STEP ON IT,RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES!

WHY! WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE IN THIS MISERABLE LIFE?!SINCE I AM NO ALIVE,I COULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD! WHY SHOULD I BE ALIVE HERE WHEN I FEEL SO DEAD!?


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

I rushed into the kitchen and swing out a chopper

WHY?! WHY PEOPLE HAVE TO BULLY ME? AM I SO WEAK? PATHETIC?

I stormed into the living room and threw the house phone onto the floor.

SINCE NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE EVEN A PHONE HERE?

I sent everything in my sight flying,stepping on them,crushing them,made them look as pathetic as me

LAUGH AT ME, THE BIGGEST LOSER IN THE WORLD,COME LAUGH! LAUGH ALL YOU WANT!

I suddenly caught sight of the mitten shuri gave was flying with the other things.I caught it and I wore it on.

"I am nothing but a burden to you all, all of you, like the boys in this school wishes for my death,don't you?"

I ran up to the bathroom and I lay down in the tub, comfortably.I switched on the water tap, waiting for the water to over flow. The water, took a million years, to fill up the , the time to released myself has come.I readily slashed open my wrist and let it bleed.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I can't wait…I CAN'T WAIT TO BE AWAY FROM HERE! this place is not for me! I don't belong here, that why everything,EVERYTHING REJECTS ME HERE! Since I don't belong here, WHY SHOULD I STAY HERE, I SHOULD GO! I SHOULDN'T BE A BUDERN!"

I smiled to myself,closing my eyes, waiting for the end to come, waiting for peace to envelop me, waiting.. waiting...

"WE WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK!" I sat right up,startled. I look at my hands,They were so bloody and the mitten is stained with blood too.

My parents have let me down, BUT I COULD NOT LET NANAKA,SHUU,SHURI AND AOI DOWN LIKE HOW MY PARENTS DID!

I try to stop the blood ,but MORE and MORE blood and MORE blood drops dripped down my hands, making me look like a murderer of the nanaka and the gang's dream.I became MORE and MORE afraid, I couldn't stop the blood, they kept flowing and flowing.I could not do anything, I AM GOING TO DIE AT THIS RATE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE ANYMORE! I WANT TO SEE NANAKA'S FACE! I WANT TO RETURN BACK TO SAKURANOMORI! I..don't want..to..die… Blood..stop..please..-.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

I woke up.

Where am I? am I dead?

"MISTER! MISTER! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

" I am fine..where am I now?"

"you are now in the hospital,and your mother is on her way."

"what about..dad?"

"he is currently unreachable but we will keep trying to reach him."

"how do you come and save me?"

"well, I heard people throwing things and making a lot of noise, so I think I should check it out,but when I knock the door, no one answered and so I called the we found you, you are no longer conscious and so we brought you here."

"sorry for causing you so much trouble,OUCH-"

"you should not try to get up for the time being!"

"Thanks"

"HIDAKA! OUH..WHY DID YOU?"

"sorry for making you worry mom, I will definitely not worry you anymore-"

(SLAP)

"YOU MEAN YOU WILL DO A BETTER JOB IN ENDING YOUR LIFE NEXT TIME RIGHT? AS LONG AS I AM YOUR MOTHER, I WILL WANT TO WORRY ABOUT YOU!"

The tears that I have been holding,welled up in my eyes.

"you should go to sleep now,Hidaka."

"are you leaving?"

"no…I am staying for the accompany you."

"I am..so I sleep with you,"

"Huh?..that for kids isn't it?"

"I am still an elementary kid,you know?(frown)"

(smiles) "all right,all right."


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

I was cutting the fish, preparing for dinner.I accidentally cut my finger and more and more blood flow out.I was terrified, I tried to stop the blood but it won't stop. Soon, the blood starts to drown me.I swam desperately in the pool of blood ,suffocating and start to feel stench of the blood made me want to horrid smell stick on the back of my whole body eventually submerged into the pool of horrid blood and I died.

"HIDAKA! WAKE UP..ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!"

"MOM! DAD!, MOM!"

I tightly embraced mom, and I couldn't stop crying.

"Mom..mom…I died…I AM GOING TO DIE! THE BLOOD!..THEY WON'T STOP,THEY WON'T STOP!"

"There is no blood here! the blood had stopped long ago,Hidaka, get a grip of yourself!"

"NO! THEY ARE DROWNING ME! THEY HAVE A PUTRID SMELL..THEY.."

(vomit)

"BWAHH…*sniff THEY!..THEY! *BWAHHHHHH *sniff HORRIBLE! SMELLY! THEY WON'T STOP! THEY WON'T!

"Hidaka, ENOUGH! "

"NO,MOM! THEY WON'T STOP! THEY WON'T…WHAT SHOULD I DO? *CRY

"MOM!"

"Mom's here, it's alright, everything will be fine…"

*sobs, "They won't stop bullying me…"

"BULLY? who bullied you?!"

"THEY! they…that boy….that..boy.."

"HIDAKA! WHAT HAPPEN, WAKE UP! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? NURSE! NURSE!"

I blacked out.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

Bloody dreams continued to haunt me ever since that day. Every night, I will be tainted with blood and I will wake up screaming ,crying and nauseous.

My trust in school had long shattered. Everyone regard me as a weakling, no one cares about is the same even if I entered middle secretly wished for my death and I knew ONE CAN BE TRUSTED. I HATE SCHOOL.

"Hidaka, you skipped school again?"

"can't be helped, syaoran today called me a pig and so I decided to go home."

"Just because of this small thing?"

"I hate school and everyone hates me, I don't see why should I go school in the first place"

"stop fiddling with your mp3,look into my eyes."

(stop fiddling)

"Mom, I want to go back to sakuramonori.

"YOU..WHAT?!"

"Like I said…I want to go back."

"Why..so sudden.."

"I want to find back my old self.I am sick and tired of being like this.I want to build back my old self and be stronger.I don't want to cry and fear anymore."

"But…who will take care of you..?"

"I am already 16, I can take care of myself!"

"But..you might again attempt suci-"

"I won't.I will be fine, you don't have to worry."

"You will skip school agai-"

"I won't..I will be fine,don't trust me."

"…" " I got it."

"Thanks, I will go soon."


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

"Hidaka, you done packing?"

"yes."

"Give you."

"a watch? why all of a sudden?"

"I am sure the school won't approve you wearing makeup to cover your I decided to get you a watch."

"thank you…very much.."

"what is this, you don't have to be so formal with me right?"

"I am going"

"Be careful!"

(Leaving)

"HIDAKA! WAIT…."

"What is it-.."

(hugs hidaka)

"I will miss you…and remember I love you no matter let me worry about you."

"yes…mom."


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

I finally reached Sakuranomori. I clutched on to my new watch and walked out of the station.

"The air here is sure fresh,huh…."

"eh..? I am sure this used to be a bento shop…well, I guess things will change even in here."

"humph..I guess I can take a little detour."

"arh leh..the sakuras here really never bloom, did they?"

All this really brings back I knew it, I had walked straight into the temple.

"Since I am already here, I should pray for good luck."

"Eh..who's that girl….she resembles Nanaka but then…she is so cold, it couldn't be Nanaka for sure." "Maybe I should go and check it out."

"AR LEH!"

"May I help you, Sir?"

"no..no..I MEAN YES..ah..I will like to have a written divination..ah..that.."

"here you go"

"WHAT…BAD LUCK AND …WITH GIRLS…?"

"sheesh…that can''t be..."


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

"excuse me..I am Hidaka, the new tenant of this place.."

"SANA-CHAN..IS THAT YOU?"

"yes…."

"I WILL COME DOWN NOW..SANA-CHAN WAIT- AAHAHAAAHHHHHH…OUCH!, SANA! SANA! OUH IT IS REALLY YOU SANA…YOU REALLY CAME BACK! I MISS YOU!"

"uh…who..are you?

"SANA?..you forget..about..me?"

"Are you aoi-chan?"

"YES! OH MY GOD, I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT ME FOR A WHILE JUST NOW.."

"How could I, it is impossible to forget isn't it..it's you guys after all.."

"SANA-CHAN! Well is wasn't surprising that you could not recognize me..I look ugly in my specs right?"

"huh..uh.."

How should I reply..

"AS I THOUGHT! I really look hideous in it!"

"No..huh-uh…you look..great in it! Really!"

"really..? THANK YOU SANA-CHAN!"

"huh…that's nothing"

"Come let me bring you to your new room."

"ouh-kay"

Aoi led me to my new room and left me alone to that, I went down to the grocery shop to buy ingredients for breakfast tomorrow. I happened to meet Shuusuke and Shuri on my way back.

"SANA! SANA-CHAN, IS THAT REALLY YOU..?"

"ah..Shuusuke! and Shuri!"

Shuu: You don't have to be so formal with me you know..Just call me Shuu like the past!"

Sana: "Ouh..kay."

Shuri: "Sana looks so shy..come on! we are friends right..?"

Sana: "yea..definitely"

Shuu:" SINCE YOU FINALLY COME BACK, LET'S HAVE A GREAT DINNER TOGETHER!"

Shuri:" Ouh yea! I will call the others, we will celebrate it in Aoi-san's house!"

Shuu:"Let's do it"

Sana: EH? WAIT..! I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"

Shuu: "come on..don't be such a wimp! LET'S DO IT!"

"So I am a wimp here too, huh."

Shuu:" what you just said? I can't catch it."

Sana: "UH-..NOTHING NOTHING MUCH!"


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Aoi's dad: "Look at you young man, I only take my eyes off you for a while and you've grown into a young man, haven't you!"

Sana: "uh..not really.. "

Shuri:"HEY! IF YOU HAVE TIME TO CHIT-CHAT, YOU SHOULD COME AND HELP US!EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T COOK AND YET I AM TRYING MY BEST YOU KNOW!'

Sana: "Ouh..sorry!"

Shuu:Take off your watch first! How do you expect to cook with your watch on?

Sana: uh-huh…The watch? I am used to this watch..I can cook with it, no problem.

Shuu: later if that watch is spoilt by water, you don't come looking after me.

Sana: Why will I do that? Plus this watch is water-proof.

Shuu: Eh….take it off, I want to see it!

Sana: NO! I mean…Hurry up and go cook!

Shuu: Is this a present so precious?

Nanaka:Is it from a girl?

Sana: Well…what should I do? for the dinner?

Shuri:"you can go and handle the chicken, we are going to have CHEESY CHICKEN SPAGHETTI TODAY!"

Sana:"uh-huh..can we have…other food?"

Shuri: "WHAT DO MEAN AH, BASTARD! THAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DISH ISN'T IT"

Sana: "that..used to be..I guess."

Shuu:"Don't be so picky with your food! hurry up and do you job!"

Sana:"I..can't, I can't…please, can we have other food?"

Aoi: "Are you alright,you don't look well."

Sana:"Lend me your toilet"

Aoi: WAIT! SANA! WHAT HAPPEN?"

Shuu: WHOA, HEY YOU ALRIGHT?"

Shuri: You okay?

I ran past all of them and ran straight into the toilet and stood beside the toilet bowl.I tried to restrain myself from vomiting,I tried to ignore the blood stench, I did everything could..I tried to calm myself down…. so that I will not create any problem for aoi.

Shuri: NANAKA, HURRY UP! SANA LOOKS LIKE HE IS UNWELL!'

Sana: No, I am fine now, don't worry about me."

NNka: You..are fine?

Sana: Don't worry, I am fine..You still kept the band I gave you?"

NNka: Shut up.

Sana; uh-..okk..

Shuri: Since you are fine…you should help out.1

Sana: I really cannot handle the chicken…

Shuu look at me intently.

Shuu: I thought you are quite good in handling chicken?

Sana: uh-…

Aoi: It alright, I think Sana should just do the washing up. I will handle the chicken

Sana: I will be glad to do can you do it outside?

Shuu: What are you saying? How can Aoi handle the chicken outside?

Sana: You see..I can't..really, I mean..you see..I am not good with..blood..the sight or smell of it made me feel nauseous and also..the spaghetti…..it brings back a really awful memory and so…if possible, can we…can we cook other..dis..dish?

Shuu: You hiding something?

Sana: Nothing..obviously.

Shuri stopped work.

Shuri: What happen when you are in Tokyo?

Sana: Nothing..really

Aoi: I was really worried about you just now! What happened?

Sana: NOTHNG, DIDN'T I SAID THAT?!

"sorry..I didn't mean to raise me voice.."

Aoi's mom came into the kitchen

Aoi's mom: What's up,you guys are sure slow,I think I will help you guys.

Aoi: That will be great!

Even though Nanaka did not say any


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

After a while, dinner is finally ready.

Aoi's mom: How's Tokyo?

Sana: uh-huh…Tokyo..Tokyo..is okay I guess.

Aoi's mom: Well I guess the educational standard there is quite high,could you catch up?

Sana: While..I barely pass all the tests there…

Aoi's dad: I am pretty sure you are a smart and diligent boy…how could you barely pass your test? did you slack there….?

Sana: no..erm..i guess..Maybe?

I kept looking at Nanaka, I really hope to talk to her, but then I don't know why she has been ignoring me.

Sana: Nanaka, when will you be making cookies? The cookies you made were really delicious, I really hope to eat them soon!

Nanaka: I guess you won't be able to eat it for long.I don't have the intention to made them."

Sana: well..it alright. I remember about the violin piece you played for me before I left. Since you promised me that you are going to finish it the next time we meet, will you- OUCH! what's that for, Shuri!

Shuri: You should shut up and eat your dinner!

Nanaka: I am done with dinner,thank you Uncle and Aunty for welcoming me here, I shall take my leave.

Sana: Nanaka!

Nanaka: Sana, you've done nothing wrong, it's me that troublesome, hope that you won't I am sure you will not need to bear with me any more. Have fun with that girl.

Sana: Nanaka! you okay?

Nanaka: I guess I am really ruining the mood, I better leave fast before I harm someone.

I grab hold of Nanaka's hand and saw her pained eyes.

Nanaka: Let go! I SAY LET GO!

She pushed me away and I fell on the floor.

Nanaka: you are so weak.I am leaving

Shuu stood up.

Shuu: WHAT ARE YOU DOING NANAKA? SANA JUST CAME BACK TODAY..WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Aoi: Are you alright Sana?

Shuri: Nanaka,what happened? WHAT HAPPENED TO TWO OF YOU? WHY ARE YOU GUYS ACTING SO WEIRD? SANA AND NANAKA! TWO OF YOU! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS HIDING FROM US?

Sana: you don't have to know…

Nanaka: YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW!

Shuu: NANAKA! SANA!

Nanaka: I am leaving, Good bye. Sorry for ruining the mood again, you guys can leave me alone.

Sana: I will be going too!

Aoi: TWO OF YOU, WAIT!


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

After seeing Nanaka's eyes, I realized that nanaka bears the same eyes as me..the me from the past. I could not help not to ignore it..I mean, her pained eyes resembles my old same eyes…the eyes that sees nothing but darkness and pain.

I ran and chase after Nanaka…I DON'T WANT NANAKA TO DO THE SAME MISTAKE AS ME!

Sana: NANAKA! OPEN THE DOOR! NANAKA!

NNka:What do you want?

Sana: I am worried about you and so…

NNka: Go and have dinner with the others…I have no desire to ruin your mood.

Sana: Let's eat together…I will prepare dinner for you

NNKA: DON'T COME INTO MY HOUSE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

Sana: I think I should prepare…humph..curry rice? *smile

NNka: STOP it..FOOL.

Sana: hahahaha…come and help me out if you have time to call me a fool.

NNka: fool…I didn't ask you to come in the first place


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

*ring…

"Hello? what, it's you,mom."

"I am fine.."

"hm..yes..okay..hmm…"

" I am really fine, you don't have to worry."

"School? There is no school today…I will definitely go tomorrow."

"Yes I will, I will!"

"I have dinner already..at Nanaka's house though"

"I sound lively?" "well maybe I did."

"something good happen?" "Well,haha"

"I already bought all ingredients for breakfast already."

"Well, good night."

I switched off the lamp light, still wearing my watch.I hope Nanaka will not misunderstood about the watch.I am really glad that she did not did anything foolish,like me.I guess it is just me that is weak.

I am really scared…what kind of dreams will I have tonight.

I am really scared…will I scream again tonight?

I really wish that I will have a "good" night.I wish for a "sweet" dream.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

I jump out from my bed, desperately gasping for air.

My eyes opened very wide, as I held out my hands. I scrutinized my wrist, checking for any blood drops.

Luckily, there is only my watch on my wrist and, thankfully no blood drops.

Today,I dreamt of me, eating with Nanaka, having an enjoyable lunch with her. Suddenly, there is a random blood drop, appearing from my wrist.I was alarmed and slowly, more and more blood drops came dripping and I was drowned by the sea of blood-again.

"SANA? SANA?"

"Aoi-san? I am coming up right now."

"Sana? Are you alright? I heard some screams and ruffle from your room just now and I was worried so..EIYAHH!"

"EH? HUh-OPPS! SORRY!"

I slammed the door and went in the room to changed- I HAD GREETED AOI-SAN IN MY PAJAMAS AND SHORTS!

"SORRY! SANA!"

"I am sorry too.."

"Sana.."

"Yes?"

"Can you please keep what happen today a secret?"

"erm...of course!"

I blushed and can't help looking away from Aoi.

Aoi: "OUH YEA!, HURRY UP SANA! WE ARE RUNNING LATE!"

Sana: "Late..? Now it is only 8.a...OH! School starts at..YEA! WE ARE SO GOING TO BE LATE! WAIT FOR ME, I WILL GET READY NOW!"


	20. Chapter 20

"Ohayo~~" "ohayo.."

**Cheerful greetings filled the air.**

"ohayo.." "OHAYO!"

Apparently, Aoi-san's friends went to her house and picked her up, and so I was left alone to come to school myself.

I look with envy eyes at those people being greeted.I wondered when is the last time someone actually greet me"Good Morning!" in school.

"Sana"

"Eh? Shuusuke? and Shuri?"

Shuu: I need to talk to you.

Sana: Eh...now?

Shuu: Yea, now.

Sana: WHat about ScHooL..?

Shuusuke drag me to the nature park.

"SHUUSUKE! WAIT! I PROMISED THAT I WILL GO TO SCHOOL TODAY AND IF I BREAK MY PROM-"

"What happened yesterday?"

"Yes-yesterday?...well after that I had a nice dinner at nanaka's"

"That not what I meant. I demand an explanation."

"Explanation? ANYWAY! WE ARE RUNNING LATE FOR SCH-"

"Today is the first day of school and so school doesn't start that early."

"WAIT! Aoi-san-"

"We told her to do we don't do that, when can we find a time to talk to you like , ANSWER ME!"

"What am I supposed to answer you..."

"You went there as a cheerful, fearless lad,yet you returned as someone who have fear of blood."

"I would really like to know,Sana."

A voice interrupted from my back. It was Nanaka.

"Nanaka..and Aoi-san" I looked at them with wide-eyes.

I turned toward Shuu and shouted at him

"WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN DOING THIS?"

"I've already said it! I want to know!"

"I'VE ALREADY SAID IT TOO,YESTERDAY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW!"

I ran away from Shuusuke,I brushed past Aoi the betrayer and suddenly, someone clutched onto my hands and ran with me.


	21. Chapter 21

Clutching onto my hand tightly, she never let go.

"Nanaka.."

"Sana, if the past is too painful to bear, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME!"

"Nanaka..."

I cuddle with her hair and smiled painfully.

"If only I could..."

Nanaka look into my eyes, with tears brimming in her eyes.

"It's not fair..it's just not fair! Why am I the only one that is protected? I feel so useless when I am around with you guys"

"Nanaka, what's up?"

"I don't know, but I heard that my parents is killed in a fire...I don't know anything..I don't know..WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING!WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE SPARED?" That what I always..always asked myself"

"The only one?"

"I guess you haven't heard about what happened to Shuu and Shuri, By now, almost no one call them by that name anymore."

"WHY?"

"It a long story.."

"Please tell me."

"A few years ago, someone reported that both Shuu and Shuri went into a love hotel together.."

"WHAT-"

"Their father got really mad and chased them out of his house."

"BUT, IT JUST A RUMOR, WHY WOULD ANYONE BELIEVED THAT SO EASILY?"

"Precisely,unable to bear the pain, the twins decided to seek their new future out of this town."

"Then?"

"Their father sent people to look for a few months ago, they were finally by then, they were no longer called Shuu and Shuri. They changed their name."

"I never know.."

"That why it pained Shuu's heart when you called him Shuusuke instead of the usual "Shuu". We are the only bunch of people who are still calling them by their old name."

I kept quiet and I was reflecting.

I am such a hateful person indeed. What kind of friend am I ,precisely.

I start to hate myself even more and more.I am useless and weak even back here.

AS EXPECTED,SCUMS LIKE ME SHOULD HAVE ALREADY BEED WIPED OFF FROM THE FACE OF THIS LOVELY WORLD.

I am only tainting this lovely place.

I am just a out-of-place jigsaw puzzle.

I don't belong to Tokyo, neither do I belong here.

I have no identity, I don't belong anywhere, ANYWHERE.


	22. Chapter 22

"Nanaka-san, thank you for telling me so much..I really feel sad about your parent's demise,hope that you can take care of yourself. I shall take my leave."

"SANA-KUN, YOU ARE HORRIBLE!"

Startled, I turn behind and saw Nanaka sobbing.

"OTHER PEOPLE KEPT SYMPATHIZING ME, SO-CALL COMFORTING ME, BUT I NEVER ONCE EVEN THOUGHT THAT EVEN YOU, SANA IS PART OF THEM! AND WHAT'S UP WITH THE "SAN" ATTACHED TO MY NAME? WHO I AM TO YOU!"

"Nanaka...*cough, Nanaka-san, I shall take my leave."

"SANA!"

I ran away from Nanaka.


	23. Chapter 23

I run, as fast as I can. As I ran past people,I only hurt them.

A out-of-place jigsaw puzzle like me should be destroyed, burned, and disappear.

I had a curse on me, a knife in my heart that does nothing but to hurt, and kill people that I loved.

Love is a no longer kind, it is brutal.

"SANA! COME BACK! COME BACK!"

"Sana! PLEASE WE BEG YOU, TELL US! WE WANT TO KNOW 'COS WE CARE FOR YOU!"

"Sana, NO MATTER WHO YOU BECOME, WHERE YOU ARE, WE WILL ALWAYS BE FRIENDS!"

"sana…I loved you more than anything in this world..you are the only one that understands me..I need you, please don't go…"

I stopped in my tracks.

"Nanaka, what is it in me you loved? I am no longer what I used to be."

"I loved you Sana, because you are always…always the Sana I loved. So no after who you become, I will still love you. This sakura band, is the proof"

"Nanaka, I am weak, I am cursed. I can't protect, but I can hurt you if you stay too close to me. I am not strong, I am weak, so fragile until I am no longer-"

"STOP WITH THIS CRAP SANA! YOU ARE STRONG, BUT YOU NEVER REALISED IT! YOU TRIED TO STAND UP DIDN'T YOU? OR ELSE WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER TO COME BACK HERE, AND FIND YOURSELF AGAIN! CAN YOU JUST LET OTHERS HELP YOU FOR ONCE, LEADER?! ALL OF US, HUMANS ARE WEAK, IT ONLY WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER, WE WILL BE STRONG!

THAT WHY A ARMY OF BEES IS STRONGER THAN A LONE WOLF! THAT WHY!…That why..THAT WHY OUR GANG IS NOW SO WEAK, BECAUSE WE ARE SO DIVIDED!"

"I realized this, when my parents are gone in the fire. At that time, I thought that no one could be trusted, I tried doing things on my own, but I failed..miserably. That when Aoi, Shuu and Shuri came and comfort me, and let me stand up again. I CAN'T DO THIS OWN MY OWN, IT THANKS TO THEM! Now Shuu, Shuri and you needs help, can't we just help you guys..? YOU CAN'T DO THIS ALONE!"

**Nanaka's word struck deep into my heart. **

I went forward, closing my gap with the Nanaka, with the gang. That when I learnt an important lesson.

I am strong, but became weak, because I lacked of trust.

I no longer dared to love, because I am weak, I am scared of being hurt.

Who knows, before school even started, I had already learnt..so much about myself.


	24. Chapter 24 (Final)

**5 yrs later.. **

"Mom, you don't really need to call every night you know…"

Mom: "Can't be helped, I only have 1 son and now my son is a grown man…..

I really missed you"

Me: "I missed you too..'

Mom: "Can I believed that? I bet right now you are already fondling over your precious wife, how would you be thinking about me?"

Me: "Haha.." "I never forgot about you…not when I will be haunted by you every night."

Mom: "You dare say that! How, you cheeky fellow! I wonder who was it, crying and making a fuss , wanting to sleep with me, hug me and stuff… now you have your wife to do that and you don't need me anymore ,huh?

Me: " I have a strong grounds in believing you are really jealous….alright sweet mummy, okay, ok! "

Mom: " Just joking..Nanaka is a really good girl , you must treat her well you know"

Me: "of course, she's the perfect girl I picked ,you know!"

Mom: "How's life?"

Me: "Fantastic, great. I am going to be a papa soon!"

Mom: " Haha..you are so excited about it..later you will be complaining about how annoying your kids are going to be!"

Me: " 'are' seriously..? well maybe, I am planning to have two kids…so they won't get lonely you know...

Mom: "Be a real man, a doting father and a loving husband."

" When you were young, I know that we have let you down. Yur father is feeling so guilty about it that he, up till now, could not even talk to you."

"I hope you won't made the same mistake as us…*sob…

"you must remember, to let your child finish talking, before you talk…and..*sob…always..AlWayss..show utmost care..and *sob..

"concern to your family..before anything else..NEVER EVER LET THE LOVE OF MONEY PRIORITIZED ANYTHING….You child *sob..needs you..your love..not your money….I..I..truly regret..why-"

Me: "Mom..to me you guys are the best parent I ever had…please don't say sad things like this. I had grown up today thanks to your support. Let bygones be bygones..I promised that you will have the happiest and luckiest grandson ever…well, it getting late and I have to hang up now..night."

Mom: "night..:)"

I put back the phone and saw my pretty nanaka.. 

Nanaka:" Are you crying, Sana?"

Sana: "It nothing much..just..*wipe..I am ok now."

NNka: "I wonder how Shuua and Shuri is doing?"

Sana: "I bet they are doing fine..operating their own natural reserve park and living together..I feel really happy for them."

NNka: "But it still..kind of sad that they have to go overseas to have such a perfect life…It like we were best friends and now we were all divided.."

Sana: "We aren't divided…last time, even though we were together, but our thoughts are all different..but now we share the same heart, so as long at we share this heart, we will always be together, no matter where we are."

NNka: This is Aoi's new book..it a best seller now and you should read it.."

Sana: " That girl really make it that far….it like..such a happy ending for all of us."

NNka: "That because you made the right choice at that time…that why we aren;t divided…and still stay strong together..living our lives to the fullest.

Sana: "I will not made that choice without you..and the proof that we are supposed to be together.."

NNka: That sakura band…has really banded us together, huh…"

**THE END :)**


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